


Back At It

by aam5ever



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Angst, Barry doesn't live with Dan, Drug Abuse, Drug Use, M/M, Stoner!Dan - Freeform, marijuna, this will have two endings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-09
Updated: 2015-12-31
Packaged: 2018-04-25 13:57:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4963261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aam5ever/pseuds/aam5ever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You know what they say about bad habits. <br/>They take a year to drop but a second to pick up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results"_

**-Albert Einstein**

____________________________________

 

Something was wrong. Arin knew it, but couldn't exactly figure out what was the issue. Nothing has ever made him feel so unsure in his entire life; it was such a new emotion, being terrified to talk to your best friend about the thing that was just... off. Usually being very superfluously open, this was a new and unnatural development for Arin.

 

Dan had secret.

 

It was emanating off of him; the movements of a nervous man taking over Danny's mannerisms. Arin didn't understand this at first, but after the first month of this suspicion... which rolled into the second... slowly crawling to the third, it became obvious. Hands, twitchy and seemingly more empty than usual. Tired eyes, which would have been normal if Dan didn't happen to widen them at random moments and dart them as if looking for a way out. What would he want to run away from in the first place?

 

Along with this, the guy looked a bit messier than usual. He also came into work calmer than ever, but by the end of the day he was sensitive to every noise, gasped at every sound that seemed out of place. Daniel was usually a very chill guy. Arin knew him for about three years, and has never seen him behave so awkwardly.

 

A cough brought him out of his thoughts. Dan's brown eyes eyed him suspiciously, a small smile playing upon thin, pink lips. "You ready to film a next episode, dude?"

 

"Yeah, totally. Sorry, I just got sucked into my daydream."

 

Or maybe there wasn't a thing wrong.

 

The grump day went on swimmingly. Their commentary was pretty top notch, if they did say so themselves. At one point Dan had laughed so hard he snorted, which made them break out into more giggle fits. This is usually the goal of the day: laugh with friends.

 

"Dude, I'm so beyond tired right now." Dan told him, stretching. "How many episodes do we have to go?"

 

Arin referred to his written out schedule. "We've got a lot done already... maybe one or two more." He then smirked. "Well don't you sound like you love being here." As he chuckled, Dan scrambled for an explanation.

 

The older man barely made real sentences. "No- I mean, Arin... I like it here! Shut up." He pouted, but then giggled afterwards. Shortly after he found himself yawning, and itching for something. It was like craving not solved through means you can just tell anyone. He stayed silent about it.

 

Another episode was started, normal as always. They were good at keeping up morale and energy, especially since it was all the actual energy they had. Usually they laid every emotion they had put on the table in some way, shape, or form. Now, Arin had to tuck away his uncertainty about Dan. He wished it didn't have to be this way; they were usually so open with each other. If only he could figure out what was stopping them this time. Yet, the day was productive. Hopefully there was only his overreacting and no true issue.

 

That night, Arin laid in bed. He had tried to sleep countless times, but the same problem from earlier bugged him. "Damn it." He cursed at the nothingness around him. Thoughts swirled in the cesspool of his mind. What could truly be going on? Was all of Arin's suspicions truly faulty? If only he knew what Dan was thinking...

 

If only Dan did too.

 

Swirls... that was all he could focus on. Smoke mixed with lost rationalization. Inhaling God's impure greenery and exhaling delight. If only he could sleep, but it slips away with certainty as a familiar scent circles the room.

 

He stared at the space in front of him, a faint part of his mind telling him to get some rest. Work was tomorrow, yet Dan was stationary. The spot was too familiar to him.

 

"Dan?"

 

Arin called him back to the real world. With a jolt, he focused his exhausted expression of Arin's concerned one. "You alright?"

 

"Yeah." He quickly answered to alleviate any suspicion. Recollections of last night faded. It became harder to realize which day was which. "Sorry, I had a rough night's sleep last night." Was what Danny told him.

 

The other pondered it. With a look of sincerity, he nodded with a small grin. "Yeah, me too. Want something to drink? I'm fuckin thirsty."

 

Dan, wiping his eyes and asked for only water. In the time alone, he sighed and tried to will himself to be enthusiastic. The job he had was wonderful, the situation was wonderful... but every life had its stress. And every stress had its solution-

 

"Here." Arin brought him his water. For himself, there was a cup of orange juice. "Any game you want to start with specifically?"

 

"Not exactly. I never really have one, dude." He replied. "Do one that doesn't make you fuckin' rage this early in the morning." He rubbed part of his face. The phrase, and the small laugh afterwards, may have come out more mumbled and garbled than he had wished, but Danny couldn't help it.

 

It wasn't something Arin missed. He chose not to acknowledge it, keeping an eye on his friend. "Yeah, you're right. I'm not up for busting up my already shitty vocal chords."

 

The show went on, Arin trying his best to maintain the commentary. Dan just seemed completely off the mark for the first three episodes. It was almost brutal, how stale the commentary was. Danny tried to laugh it off with Arin, but all that did was attempt to reassure themselves that they could do better.

 

Eventually, Arin stopped an episode short. The video game was paused, and he looked towards his friend. "Hey, I was just wondering... are you alright?"

 

There was an immediate widening of the eyes. Dan began to crack his knuckles, one finger at a time. Nervous tick. "Yes...? Why?" The lilt in his voice shifted from unsure to curious.

 

"I don't fuckin' know, you just seem out of your element today." He came right out with it. "Did something happen?" Arin tried to hide the worry creeping into his voice.

 

The main problem wasn't even what he was doing; Dan just had never been one to keep secrets. It troubled him, stressed him out even more every time. That, mixed with recent activities’ possible consequences, had him in bad shape. "Nothing happened." It wasn't a lie, since nothing happened to him. The small belief that he was answering all these questions truthfully brought down his nerves, if only by a degree.

 

"You sure?"

 

"Yeah."

 

But that didn't seem sure enough. Arin's gnawing at the back of his mind worked its way up in importance. Every single day of work from then on was more of a burden. They made a few decent episodes per recording session, and Dan took excused absences a few times during the days. What it was for was constantly vague. Danny could only say he "left something at home" for so long.

 

Arin sometimes called to ask if Dan wanted to hang out with him and Ross, or just go to karaoke, or anything with friends after dark.  At first, the answers were mostly positive. Then, they dwindled into "I'm not sure" and "not tonight" with explanations that seemed so false and fake that Arin grit his teeth through each one. Troubled faces by day, busy schedules by night... a formula that Arin couldn't solve without some ludicrous answer. It was driving him half mad.

 

Eventually, it became a bigger problem. He was showing signs of something Arin's never wanted to see in a friend... that down slope in mood happened fast and without notice.

 

"Daniel... I wanted to talk to you." First thing in the morning on a Thursday, and this is what he has to hear. Perfect. "How are you feeling?" Pathetic. "Since you've been looking under the weather..." If only I could get higher than that. "Maybe you should take some time off. Have you thought about visiting therapy?" In a sense. "Dan?"

 

Realizing the other responses were all in his head, Danny blinked a few times. The realization of the situation hit him like bullets. Sentence one, two, three and four embedded themselves into his chest. A small gasp escaped him involuntarily. The few seconds of tense silence was broken by Dan's rushed, "I can still work!" followed by, "S-sorry, I can totally bring myself back. I've been slacking."

 

"It's okay... really." The younger man attempted to reassure that no one was at fault here. "Just- just get some rest, okay? Maybe take my advice... really figure out what's going on with you."

 

With a firm nod, Dan got up. His small wave, accompanied by a half shattered smile, almost broke Arin. "I... I guess I will. I'll see you soon, then." He hated to see Daniel even remotely upset. It crushed his heart like soft chalk.

 

Chalk... white as snow. Snow which they had brought to his house. However, they didn't call it snow, they called it ice; crystal was even a name for it. Promised to make life sweeter, more inspiring. Danny joked with an almost defeated tone about making a perfect little necklace out of it. One of them said it was worth just as much as real crystals. He stuck to his lungs making their own cumulonimbi, but wondered how bad it would be to start stringing a necklace together.

 

Ross was aware of the entire situation. As was Barry and Suzy. Suzy looked at Arin's crestfallen face as he left the grump room to get some computer work done. "Hey." She called before going over.

 

The small call got his attention. "Oh, hey." There was emotion in his voice, but all it did was make him quieter, and seemingly duller. "I just sent Dan home."

 

"Yeah, we saw." She looked over at Ross, who quickly snapped back to his animating. With a small grin, Suzy sighed. "Maybe he's just a bit stressed about something..." She pondered. There were few times where Dan was ever so quiet about his issues.

 

Arin nodded, trying to remain hopeful. "It would be kinda better if he told us, don't you think?"

 

"Of course. We just maybe have to wait."

 

And so they waited. The week went on without Dan even showing his face in the office. It upset them, but no one could compare to Arin. He was having an inward battle with himself. Will he come back today? Will he never come back? Should he visit Dan? Does Danny just need somebody to talk to? "What if" became the theme of his mind that week, pairing itself with a new question every hour.

 

Finally, on the next Friday, Ross sighed. "Damn, how much time off does he want?" The comment came without warning, as if the heart was talking more than the mouth. He had a frustrated tone, one of a bruised confidence. Nobody could blame him; they were all feeling conflicted about what was going on.

 

"Hopefully not too much." Barry joked, trying to keep the mood light. It only earned a few short chuckles.

 

At another monitor, Arin broke out of his thought process. "I'll go visit him tonight." He decided out loud. "Maybe if we talk I can check up on him. Make sure he's alright." There was no denying that the man felt guilty in some way.

 

Suzy asked if he wanted company, and he shook is head. "I'll call you if I need you guys later. I'm sure I can handle talking to Dan." A soft smile was made to calm their minds.

 

The decision took a lot from Arin. It was something he was at war with all last week. He hated conflict, and being the one to start it basically scratched at his skin. With all his heart, he hoped and prayed that Danny was alright.

 

Evening came a bit too fast for his liking. The idea that Arin was driving to the house right now made his heart pound a bit too loud. A few slow breaths eased him, if only for a brief second. "C'mon, it's just Dan..."  The words were meant for no other ears but his own. Parking close to the small but nice home, the man rubbed his face and tried to scrub away the obvious tension. He removed his hands from the wheel, not even realizing how tightly he had held it.

 

With a tentative foot, Arin stepped closer to the door. Small mumbles came from inside, followed by disturbing laughter. Danny wasn't alone tonight. The simple fact made Arin even more doubtful of his actions. Still, since getting here was most of the battle, there was only one thing left to do.

 

Danny heard the rap on the door, faint as it was. He hadn't been expecting any more company, but maybe one of his friends contacted another for more of a good time. With worries so far away, he told them to "Hang tight for a sec" as he stood up and went to answer.

 

"Hey Dan-"

 

"Arin! I..."

 

The two had overlapped their words, staring at the other. Dan had his Garden of Eden rolled up and between to fingers, ones which he now hid terribly behind his body. The stress all came rushing back. The door was brought to a narrower slit, one that restricted Arin's visibility of the inside. Dan's eyes were wide, and then trying to cover up his awkwardness by relaxing as much as possible. "Hey, I didn't know you wanted to come by today." In his mind, Dan thought, "Wish you had fuckin' called."

 

"Sorry, I just wanted to talk to you. I was afraid you'd turn me down." That was a definite reason for why there was no notice. "How are you?"

 

It took Dan a few moments to answer. "I'm alright." The look on Arin's face seemed to think otherwise. For some reason, it made Danny annoyed. What was he doing, judging him? "Is that all you wanted?" The question sounded too hasty; it was making it obvious that something was the matter. The older man cursed himself inwardly, yet tried to remain relatively tranquil to his friend.

 

It didn't take much for Arin to piece together how terrible Dan was at pretending. "Can I come in?"

 

Before the other could respond, a voice came from inside. "What's taking you so fuckin' long?" It was followed by another. "Damn, just invite the guy in, we can share!" The first then grumbled, "As if I got shit to share."

 

The phrases were weird; the people also sounded off. "Oh, I didn't know you had company." Arin said uneasily to Dan's blushing face. "Anyone I know?"

 

"No, not really." The response was short, blatantly impatient. "Is that it?" Dan was having a bit of a short fuse today.

 

They shared one more look before Arin expressed, "Maybe I should say hello." It was not a question. Something wasn't right, and it tapped at Arin's suspicions in all the wrong ways. "I miss you, Dan. Everyone does. I need to talk to you, anyways. Maybe after these other guys leave?"

 

Dan didn't respond. He just wanted to shut the door and get on with his business. The confession of being missed tried to dig it's way into his heart. Why did Arin have to come here, sticking his nose around? What the fuck kind of friend bothers the other so much?

 

"A caring one", the voice in the back of his mind told him. It was the deciding factor.

 

"Goodbye, Arin." He tried to shut the door, but the other man caught it before it could close. With a grunt, Arin overpowered Dan, and the door was opened. He stumbled inside, and two unfamiliar faces staring at him as if he was some wild animal. On the table was-

 

"You're always so fucking nosy, you know that?" Dan snapped irately. He put out his bliss roughly and glared at the imposing man. "Why can't you just leave me alone?" It was so out of character, sudden anger harshening and ripping through his voice.

 

Arin could barely speak a word at first. It was all so sudden, and way too unexpected. When he found his vocal chords, the first word out his mouth was, "Out." They all gave him an incredulous look before he elevated his voice. "Out! You two, out!" The command was yelled at them. The two unidentified men stood, and gathered their own stuff.

 

It wasn't long before Dan was seething. "Are you fucking kidding me?" He took steps forward. "In my own house? You're going to try to control what the fuck I do in my own house?" He sucked his teeth in disbelief, hands balled into tight fists. "You're insufferable! What the Hell do you..."

 

When the door to the house closed, Danny trailed off due to Arin's watering eyes. "Drugs, Dan?" His voice broke involuntarily. "I... why did you..." A hand furiously wiped an offending tear away before it could slip out.

 

The word 'drugs' hit the older man hard. He had been dancing around it the entire time. Still, Danny tried to remain hardened. "It's my business, man. Just leave." He spoke directly, the venom in his voice starting to lessen. There was no more beating around the bush.

 

"Danny, I can't leave you with..." Arin gestured to the left mess made of the coffee table. "With this."

 

"Yes," Dan took a step forward. "you can." He then saw Arin's chest jump with a hiccup from holding back tears, and turned away. Running hands through his mess of hair, Dan closed his eyes to keep his temper down. A sigh escaped chapped lips. "Arin, I know what I'm fucking doing. I'm older than you for Goddamn sakes! Why can't you just accept that? I know you're technically my boss, but right now I don't need you ordering me around like some stupid fucking kid." He couldn't dare say all of it to Arin's face. That would be too painful.

 

A sniff came from behind him. "You're better than a relapse, Dan." He choked out before a sob came on. "I never knew you when you were still... a user, but-"

 

"But what?" Dan finally turned to face Arin once more. He regretted it instantly.

 

"I'm n-not going to let you get-get back to a place you...w-worked so hard to co- to come out of." The tears rolled down with no mercy now, Arin having to catch his breath multiple times. "Please... I sh-should have re... I just should have known." Guilt let a bitter taste in his mouth. The other man could barely look at him.

 

Danny couldn't deny the tears forming in his eyes. There was no way to stop it; he was always such a baby when it came to shit like this. His eyes grew red as he slowly went and sat down, taking in a shaky breath. "Leave me alone..." The fact that this was turning into something much more than him was too much. "Just go away!" The demand was hollow as he shut his eyes to stop his own tears. A void started to form in his chest Hurting Arin... it was what he was trying to avoid. It was all going to shit now.

 

A warmth wrapped around him, and Danny let out a sob. They were both so distraught, no words passed between them except for whispered apologies between hasty breaths. Arin damned whatever made Dan relapse, hoping he and his friends could bring the older man back from whatever Hell he was living.

 

Hope only goes so far.

 

The entire ordeal was exhausting. There was barely any angle to approach it from. Danny was in pieces, and his friend clung onto him as if trying to hold him together. When the sobs seemed to slow, Arin told Dan to go wash up; they could forget about everything that's happened for the rest of the night and tackle it tomorrow. Without a word, Danny agreed, leaving Arin to the mess of the table.

 

Most of the table had weed. It was just greenery and two bongs, nothing Arin was not sure of Dan being familiar with. He gathered himself up and began to throw the stash of drugs away, along with the bongs. There should be no reason for Danny to have those anymore. The other contents of the table made Arin's stomach turn. White powder, already in now crooked lines, was one thing there. The razor edge used to fix it was also seen, nice and shiny. It looked mostly clean. There were bottles of booze, ranging from things like regular beer to literal vodka.

 

With a fluttering heart, he got all of the bad habits out of the house. Once Arin came back, the place looked as if nothing happened. _"_ _Wish nothing did."_ The voice inside his head he lamented.

 

The shower water washed over Dan’s head. Wet curls clung to his pale, bare shoulders. Droplets fell off his eyelashes, causing him to blink them out of the way. He sighed, warmth of the water assisting the stress in melting away.Today just... was too tiring to even fucking recall. The dull ache in his head started up again, making him wince in the steamy bathroom. Arin... he was there. His presence was both in the house, in the back of his mind. He was judging him... accusing beautiful brown eyes glaring in anguish. None of them deserved this. Mental strain stretched Danny’s mind like a rubber band, the revisited use of the bli- of the drugs were supposed to help the constricting band contract. Maybe bliss isn’t found in such arbitrary things. That concept was going to take a while to wrap his head around, but the knocking on the door had him close his eyes and lean against the shower wall in shallow relief.

 

At least Arin was here in general.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's the difference between intervention and intervening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for anything wrong like the drug use, drug affects, and reactions!

**  
**

_"You're teetering over the edge, and you attempt to refuse the hand that tries to pull you up.”_

**-Anonymous**

____________________________________

**  
**

Dan wished Arin wasn’t here.

**  
**

It was embarrassing, seeing your best friend through the crack of door discussing you. It was even more trying when it was with another friend of yours, about issues bigger than behavioral. Danny felt like a kid, an addict, and a murderer at the same time. He was being talk about like a principal would to parents. They were worried about his possible abuse of these substances, surely pursuing the notion that he may try again. Of course they all wished to halt his progress on the highway to Hell. Who wouldnt?

**  
**

The last personal feeling... a murderer... a murderer of trust. Danny felt absolutely horrid for keeping something like this from them. No matter the circumstance, the group had always tried to discuss personal issues with each other. Everyone’s back was covered, so why did Dan want his back bare? Why did he feel like telling them would be any worse then than them finding out in such an absurd way?

**  
**

_Way to fuckin’ go, Dan._ His thoughts regarded him sarcastically. _You managed to endanger yourself and your relationships. That’s new._

_**  
** _

Voices filtered through the crack in the door. "He needs help..." "You can't just go around... ideas about..." "...drugs on the table... should have known..."

**  
**

All of them sounded concerned. Worried. Anxious. It tore him apart just to hear such dull tones muttered.

**  
**

Danny shrunk away from the door when he thought the voices were getting closer. He hadn't seen anyone but Arin ever since he was found out. They never came to see him just yet. He truly feared what he would see on their faces. It wasn't bitter disgust or atrocious rage he shied away from; those emotions would actually be more of a comfort. What frightened Dan was the inevitable. Those sewn together smiles, wavering but keeping in place only to make him feel better. The eyes, tired at looking at the mess of a friend they all had. Small movements, as if anything too grand would jumpstart the drug abuse again.

**  
**

Just thinking about it made him teary eyed, stomach turning. "Is he okay? I want to say hi to him." The familiar light, almost tentative voice of Suzy's caught the man's ear. Dan shut his eyes tight as Arin's response registered with him.

**  
**

"Sure. Dan's in his room."

**  
**

Shortly after a few footsteps drew nearer, the door creaked open. "Hey, Dan."

**  
**

"Hey, Scuz." Danny didn't look up, not wanting to see that look he knew was present. There was no other expression Suzy would be seen him with, not now.. He knew her too well. "Sorry that I didn't come to work for a while."

**  
**

A small chuckle came from her. Dan almost flinched at the suddenness of it. "You're really trying to apologize? Don't worry about it." She helped herself to a seat on the bed, beside him. "How are you feeling?" Leave it to her to act so natural.

**  
**

Yet, Danny could not bring his eyes up to look at her. It was as if there was a barrier; something internal kept him stationary. "I'm okay, I guess." He half smiled, eyelids drooping as if he was tired.

**  
**

It seemed like Suzy was going to say something when Arin, Barry, and Ross made their way into the room. The increase of people was intimidating, to say the least. Dan, knowing that not looking at them would produce more questions, did so.

**  
**

The first expression he met with was Barry's. It was full of it's usual care, but something wasn't right about it. His eyes were more hardened. The corners of his mouth twitched downwards from time to time. A face of poorly covered disappointment.

**  
**

Ross' had something his lips could do nothing but twitch in amusement at. A furrowed brow were right above bothered eyes, a tugging frown complimented it. It was anger and confusion, one that Dan could understand.

**  
**

All four of them had eyes on him, and he instantly grew antsy. "H-hey." The shame burned his cheeks, which he wished wouldn't sting so much. They were more than silent. It was like that bitter quiet where invisible words hung in the air that just could not be uttered. “Damn, do I have a third eye or something?” Terrible humor, hopefully enough to break the ice.

**  
**

Cold stares melted. It was now above freezing point. Still, no one was really laughing at his ridiculous question. “You feeling okay, bud?” Barry always had the friendly jaunt in his speech. Dan looked around him, not exactly at him.

**  
**

“Better.” He nodded, as if mulling this over to himself. “Yeah... a bit better.”

**  
**

Ross wanted to say a thousand more words, but the ones he settled on were, “Good to see you're... uh... yeah.” He looked away, as if embarrassed at the lack of articulation. Arin looked at him with a glimpse of understanding, one that literally no one, no one could give Danny. The respect he fought for when cutting off drugs, the nights that felt like torture when he was alone with his thoughts after stopping, the life of his twenties... was Dan about to repeat history? Thinking about that alone made him shudder.

**  
**

Out of the corner of his eye, Daniel saw that Arin noticed his discomfort. “Alright, guys. Can you give us a minute?” The group of friends weren't too happy about this, but still filed out of the room.

**  
**

The edge of the bed sank down once Arin sat down on it. He smoothed a strand of straight hair, and tried to give Dan his best smile. “They're kinda treating you like something’s wrong with you, aren't they?”

**  
**

It caught Dan off guard, what Arin said. “What?” That was all he could say, looking straight at Arin. There was still a bit of malice there; after all, Arin was the one to get him basically under lockdown.

**  
**

“I'm not exactly an expert on drugs. You've heard how I talked about them,” Danny let out a small laugh at that. “but I know that it doesn't mean you have something irreversible. Smoking weed isn't the worst thing to do, but it still isn't the best.” He wasn't asking, but telling. Arin was being much more rational about all this now than before.

**  
**

The older man nodded along. He could only say so much. “Yeah... I just wish... um...” If only he could express how dumb he felt. “Just wish I could take this all back, y’know?” Arin nodded, as if he understood.

**  
**

“I... I have a question.” He seemed nervous to ask it.

**  
**

“Go ahead.”

**  
**

The bit of encouragement didn't seem to do much with curbing his wariness. “When I... saw you, there was other stuff- like, drugs on the table.” Arin didn't want to ask the obvious question.

**  
**

Dan could tell immediately what he was truly trying to ask. For a moment, it sent a hot fire through his brain. He thinks I would do that? Who does he think I am? Doesn't he- the thought process was halted by the realization that Arin found him in a compromising position. Anything was possible in that moment, especially since Dan was close to touching that cold, icy drug right on his coffee table. “I didn't take part in anything but what you saw me smoking.” The confirmation was meant to be a comfort, yet he saw his friend still eyeing him with that justified unsure expression that made Danny want to scream. “I promise that, at least.”

**  
**

With another quick nod, Arin stood. “I only wanted to make sure. If you did... things would be a bit more serious.” He offered a hand to the other man. “Do you want to come talk to the others?” The offer was innocent, and it wasn't like Arin was trying to trap him in some sort of intervention.

**  
**

At least, he hoped not.

**  
**

The hand was warm as Danny grasped it. They walked into the living room together, and the pressure of judging eyes was back.

**  
**

Suzy offered a small smile. He could almost hear her calling this a “safe place” and coaxing him into pouring out his feelings like spilt tea. Ross looked much less upset, yet now he had a sad and downtrodden appearance. He whispered something to Suzy, who seemed to give him a warning eye. With a silent sigh, the man looked back at Dan with a poorly shaped smile.

**  
**

The words came out his mouth before he could stop it. “No need to fake it, Ross.” Dan saw Ross’ blue eyes widen as the smile immediately slipped off his face. “I know you all are... at least disappointed.”

**  
**

“No Dan,” Barry tried to jump in and help him feel better. “it's just a hard situation. For all of us.”

**  
**

“All of us.” Danny repeated with disbelief mixed with the words. “Yeah.” He looked towards Arin shyly, unsure of what to even speak about. “So, uh... can I come back to work?” The small flickering glances between them all was not a good sign.

**  
**

The man next to him sighed, and folded his arms. They looked strong, Dan couldn't help but notice. “This isn't something we can just ignore.” Arin spoke to him clearly and directly. “Do you think you can just leave this stuff alone? You talked before about how it made you feel years ago. Don’t you want to stop that from happening?”

**  
**

Dan shifted awkwardly, answering back a small, “Yeah.” All of them were thinking for a moment before Danny continued. “It’s... hard, Arin.” There was no denying that fact.  
  


“I’m not... going to say it isn’t.” He sighed with a downcast expression.

**  
**

“How do you feel right now?” Ross asked outright. “Are you feeling sick, or upset, or...” Although he tried to help, Ross felt like he knew less and less. His attempt was barely worthy of that name.

**  
**

The question settled with Danny, and he knew that Ross was trying his best to help. They all were. “I...” Unlike earlier, he felt like he couldn’t say he was okay. It just wasn’t the truth. “I’m not sure, honestly.” He offered a very weak smile.

**  
**

Instant concern came over their faces like a shadow. Danny felt his stomach churn uncomfortably, and for some reason wanted to cry. A warm hand fell on his shoulder, and he couldn’t help the small jolt he gave in surprise. “We didn’t mean to upset you, man.” Arin’s voice seemed far off to Danny’s ears. “Are you... do you want to go back inside?” The hand glided from his shoulder to his elbow, ready to guide him if needed back to his room.

**  
**

“No... no, I’m alright.” He brushed off Arin’s hand and looked at them all as if they were the ones to be worried about. It was easier to be frustrated than to face his issues. “Can we talk about this later?” Even with the polite way he asked, a harsh undertone found its way into the sentence.

**  
**

Barry, quiet earlier, said, “This is what we came here to talk about, Dan.”

**  
**

In the back of his mind. Danny knew this. Arin jumped in before he could say anything, though. “We can talk about it later. The conversation isn’t exactly going anywhere.” His look towards Dan assured him that this wasn’t over.

**  
**

For the rest of the time, everyone hung out and talked. Suzy spoke about her channel, and Barry about some editing ideas he had. Ross talked about Gameoverse, and everyone could see the excitement in his eyes. Very soon the conversations were much more lively, and Dan felt a bit easier.

**  
**

It ended up turning into a game of Mario Party, which Dan truly did not play unless there were guests over. With the limit to four players, he opted out. Ross and Barry were going at it with Arin and Suzy, and Dan laughed along with them. Arin cheered and yelled, Suzy calling bullshit after every move Barry made. It was cheerful, it was friendly, it was familiar...

**  
**

It was fucking distracting.

**  
**

When everyone was leaving, Arin whispered something to Suzy. She nodded immediately, saying something back for only him to digest. Dan saw the interaction take place, but didn’t really register what was going on.

**  
**

“Hey, Dan?” Arin called him over with a small, inviting wave of his hand. Danny snapped back to attention, and stood to go over to the two of them. Suzy smiled softly at him, her shoulders relaxed unlike earlier. Beside her, Arin was nibbling his lip. “With everything that’s going on, we were wondering if... someone being here will be better for you.”

**  
**

Now, the idea was only to help him. Half of his mind knew this, but the other half immediately jumped to, “You think I need a babysitter?” Arin had stayed with him for only two days, and he thought that was the end of it. How long was he expecting to stay if Dan let them?

**  
**

Suzy shook his head. “It's just to be careful.” It never hurt to be too careful. “You may not be in the best headspace right now. Arin sticking around may help you feel better and get back to work.” They hadn't spoken about Danny coming back until now.

**  
**

Urgency to get back to work filled him, but so did the dread of being monitored. It was a decision that he had to make. “Alright.” Dan slowly nodded before repeating, “Alright.” Looking at the two of them, he forced himself to smile. Usually it made him eventually feel a little better, but now the fake smile stayed fake.

**  
**

Arin made himself as comfortable as he could be in Danny’s own home and under these circumstances. While Dan was clothing himself in pajamas, Arin rang the doorbell. The man had quickly went to throw clothes and necessities into a bag at his own home. “Hey, man.” Danny said to him. “Welcome back.” He closed the door behind Arin, which shut loud enough to make them both jump.

**  
**

“Yep, I came to eat all of your fucking food.” They both laughed at Arin’s joke.

**  
**

Danny motioned towards the small kitchen. “Help yourself to the zero Hot Pockets and the overabundance of tea.”

**  
**

“Gladly.”

**  
**

If he closed his eyes, maybe Dan could imagine that this was just a sleep over. He could see them talking about random stories, giggling like five year olds, playing games... it could all just be one long sleep over. If that was the case, this would all be so much easier.

**  
**

“Dan?”

  
Hearing his name, the man looked over to Arin in the kitchen. “Maybe I’ll try to experience tea with you.” Arin said while opening and closing some cabinets. It wasn’t something Danny didn’t expect; he always let Arin have his way with his kitchen whenever he came over. “Where are they?”

**  
**

He walked over, laughing. “It has been less than five Goddamn minutes and you’re already looking for my stash or something.” The joke was meant to be lighthearted, but he saw the small flash of surprise run through Arin’s expression as he paused for a moment. Quickly, Dan followed up with, “I’ll give you a hint. It’s not in a drawer.”

**  
**

With a small hum, Arin closed the drawer he had been frisking and looked up at the wooden cabinets. They were repainted a dark mahogany, the handles black and scuffed from all the times nails accidentally chipped at the wood. “Way to narrow it down.” Arin shuffled across the tile floor, and Dan couldn’t help but notice his lack of socks. It must be a natural state for him.

**  
**

Finally, he retrieved the tea while Danny was just putting the water to boil. “Why not just use the microwave?” Arin asked him.

**  
  
**

All he could do was shrug. “Not sure why, but I like this way better.” Dan plucked the two teabags out of Arin’s hands and placed them in separate cups. “Need help moving your bags to the room? I noticed they didn’t make it past the hallway.”

**  
**

“Nah, I’ll move that shit in a minute.” With a small pause, Arin then mumbled, “It’s not too important.”

**  
**

They waited in a small silence at first that could only be described as restless but comfortable. The two liked the company, but why they were here right there and then couldn’t be ignored. “Hey, um...” Arin started off weakly. “I’m sorry if all this is imposing on you.”

**  
**

“Don’t worry about it.” Danny tried to play it off with a relaxed smile. He felt like it was more of a strained grin.

**  
**

“Really? I just...” Arin took a moment before speaking again. “You can talk to me, if you want. I'm here for you. We all are.”

**  
**

This talk made Dan scratch under his chin and cough without purpose. A small, prickling feeling was starting up right under the collar. “I know, I know.” It was all he could say as it felt like something inside of him was building. It wasn't rage really, or even annoyance...

**  
**

He couldn't put his finger on it as Arin continued. “This is... all just to make sure that you're going to stay on- to stay safe.” Tripping over his words, Arin felt a small blush come on but didn't break eye contact with his friend.

**  
**

With a small nod and shift in footing, Dan said, “It's considerate.” The feeling rose higher.

**  
**

It was like a desire. A small need that got louder with a garbled scream. Arin didn't notice Danny’s disposition change. “We’re all just waiting for you to come back to work, really. Weed isn't too hindering, but uh...” Thinking back to the other things Arin had found on that coffee table, a small shiver jostled his spine. “It's just precaution.”

**  
**

God damn, what was he feeling? Danny felt frustration over whatever was he was experiencing, and why he couldn't pinpoint it. “Yeah, yeah.” The smoke started to clear, and the reason why he felt so uncomfortable revealed itself.

**  
**

“Hey, Dan? The tea kettle’s whistling.”

**  
**

He had the desire to be left alone.

**  
**

“O-oh, uh,” Danny came back to himself and almost tripped over his own footing to the kettle. “yeah, I’ve got it.” He poured the water into the cups respectively, accidently letting too much pour out for the first one. It splashed back both over the countertop and on his hand. The slight burning didn't phase him.

**  
**

The sudden change in mood was thick, potent, an elephant in the room. Both of them didn't bother to mention the obvious as Dan offered Arin his tea with a tentative glance. “I’ll go drink this in my room, alright?” Danny told him while backing out of the kitchen. “I’ve got a book to catch up on anyways.” He made his escape that easily.

****  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr: aam5ever


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan's just trying to get used to Arin taking care of him but inside of him, clouds block the way. Will he ever really be able to talk it out? Or will bad habits claim him again one last time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Sorry for any drug use inacuracies) This chapter may be the last one before the chapter split. Version 1 and Version 2 of each chapter that comes next will be different paths based on which choice you think Danny made in this chapter.

_ “Wait. Be patient. The storm will pass. The spring will come.” _

**-Robert H. Schuller**

____________________________________

 

Escaping his nightmares, Dan’s own discomfort woke him up. He open his eyes with a start, halfway sitting up before realizing he was alone, at home, and safe.

 

Or was he?

 

After-nightmare anxiety crawled up his skin, and he shuddered. Rubbing a part of his arm, Dan felt the imprints of where he had pressed into the crumpled bed sheets. The slight breeze of the cracked window raised goosebumps. The night was quiet enough for his own heartbeat to startle him.

 

With a yawn, Dan tried to lay down once more. He shifted once... twice... again, and could not feel truly comfortable. The restlessness was settling in for a terrible night’s stay. Turning his head, he looked towards the halfway opened door. Only shadows could be found there. Small noises creaked and groaned throughout the house, their symphony out of tune and off putting.  _ Fitting _ . Danny couldn't help but think to himself.  _ So, so fitting _ .

 

There was nothing else to do but get up. “Damn, if only...” He thought about smoking his way into a dreamless temporary limbo, like he had done for the past months. It wasn't going to happen anytime soon again, Arin making sure of that. Slipping out from underneath his covers, Danny stood and stretched. He scratched his stubble and shuffled out into the living room’s darkness, which his eyes adjusted to.

 

Miraculously, he managed not to hit anything. There was only the subtle noises to keep him company. One of these few was the soft snore of Arin from the guest room. He focused on it, hoped it would make him sleepy too. It was easy to tell when Arin’s chest would rise, then fall, then rise once more. The rhythmic pattern just wasn't cutting it, and Dan ran a hand through his hair in frustration.

 

All of this would be better if he didn't feel the guilt plastered onto his back. It was like a tattoo that couldn't come off well, and Dan felt everyone staring. They glared at his mistakes, made him feel small. 

 

It kept him up, alright.

 

So lost in those toxic thoughts, Danny didn't notice the quiet footsteps that inched towards the bedroom. The light was turned on, making him jump. “Danny?” Arin’s voice was thick with sleep. “Dan, why are you up?”

 

Lifting his head up, Dan looked at Arin blankly for a moment before digesting what he said. “I'm not... very sure.” He wrung his hands and looked away again. The light made him squint, and fold his arms closer into himself. 

 

“Just thinking?” Arin ran his thumb over the smooth light switch. He leaned against the wall with a studying gaze.

 

Still, his friend could only nod. “Yeah.” The voice was barely audible. “Just thinkin’.” 

 

Suddenly, the lights flicked off once more, plunging them both into darkness. Dan’s eyes couldn't adjust fast enough to see Arin walk to the couch. He only heard the shuffle of feet and felt the warmth and the dip in the cushion to his left. 

 

There wasn't much to say that Dan wanted to. He just wanted to sleep and wake up in a better state of mind, but his own body stopped him. It was used to waking up around now. It was used to not actually sleeping. 

 

A hand was on his thigh, and in the darkness, he saw Arin face him. They both were staring at shadows“Did you sleep at all?” 

 

“Almost.” 

 

Thinking too much; that's what Arin could tell Danny was doing. “Do you want to talk?” It was no question that the two were best friends. Still, he looked at Dan and saw the shadow of a man divided between too many things. 

 

To his right, Dan bit his lip and faced the rest of the darkness. There was no use hiding his face, trying to shield the red shame. “I... it's...” It felt like something was welling up behind his eyes. Was he really crying for this? “I’m sorry.” The apology came out right before he buried his head in his cool hands. They contradicted with the hot tears staining them. “I-I'm so sorry, I caused a-all this... again.” His hiccups made him breathless no matter how much he tried to stifle them.

 

“No, Dan,” Arin reached for him, pulling him to his chest. “don't apologize. You were having a really tough time emotionally.”

 

It was true, yet the older man still felt all the guilt flowing through his veins. The company was more welcoming than expected. “But I- should know b-better, and there's work and-”

 

“Shhh...” Arin held him close, feeling the warm patch of wetness from the tears on his night shirt. There was no helping it; he just hoped Dan would stop crying soon. “I didn't know you would cry, it's okay...” He ran a hand over Dan’s hair, careful not to get his fingers tangled in a lock of it. “Just let it out, alright? Don't worry.”

 

Don't worry...

 

_ What kind of impossible demand is that? _

 

Light, pale but bright, came through the window in beams. They illuminated the particles of dust that waltzed in the air, stirred faster by movement. It shined dully against the wooden floor, and hit the two sleeping forms on the couch. Only one flinched at the coming of morning.

 

The other was motionless, and laying right on top of Arin. He barely made a sound, tuckered out from his episode last night. Arin knew this, and attempted not to move. He knew his arm had lost feeling, but still made the effort. 

 

Even with his stillness, the man above felt the difference. He stirred, a small moan escaping him as he shifted on the weird lump underneath him. It took Dan a few moments to question what he was sleeping on, and when he opened his eyes, Arin looked back at him. Turning a shade of pink, Danny got off of him and put some distance between them on the couch. “I'm sorry, man.” He noticed the small, drying wet patch on Arin’s shirt. No need bringing it up. “I didn't mean to sleep on you.”

 

Arin waved it off with a patient smile. “Worse has happened. Besides,” The man took a moment to pause before saying, “you needed it.” The expression on his friend’s face was something mixed with relief and shame. There wasn't any use with trying to tell him everything was okay; Dan wouldn't believe it for a while. 

 

Instead of that, Arin got up and stretched. His dead arm was regaining feeling and his bones popped and cracked. He didn't sleep on couches much, and his body now understood why he never should. “Want me to make breakfast?”

 

The morning went on slow and whispered. Cars passed sparingly, resonating low hums in their engines and that distinct  _ whoosh _ of them passing by. There wasn't any work to get to, it being a weekend. No one was coming over and no one was leaving the house. No one had called, no one had texted, no one had any idea that Dan wasn't off the high just yet. When will be the time where he had to tell them? 

 

It was a troubling question, and Arin could see it etched into his friend’s creased forehead over breakfast. Taking a bite out of his simplistic bagel, he waited for Danny to snap out of his thought train. “Um, Dan?” He said with a partially full mouth. It came out muffled, but comprehensible.

 

With no answer, Arin sighed and continued to eat. Whatever Dan was thinking of couldn't be good. It ached to see him so bothered, being how carefree he usually was. The ‘Fuck it Adjustment’ was hard to apply to this. He’s sure Danny had tried. He’s positive now that it failed.

 

When Arin was finished with his breakfast, Dan had barely touched his. It was time to put a stop to this. “Dan!” Arin called his name loudly. Rather than come out of the daze in a start, Danny did so gradually. 

 

“Hm?” He centered back on the real world, which he felt he had to do too much lately. “Did I zone out? Sorry-”

 

“No need to apologize. Just...” Arin glanced at Dan’s untouched food. “Just eat up, alright?” He tried to hide how worried he was, afraid it would rub off on Danny. It was just that contagious. “Your coffee may be cold.”

 

With a nod, Dan began to eat his food. The bread was cool against his fingertips and the coffee bland on his tongue, but it was his own fault. There was no one else to blame for this one.

 

All original anger pointed at Arin had dissipated. It seemed to vanish in thin air overnight. Brewing clouds formed in the back of Dan’s mind, threatening to take over. Not wanting this to happen, Dan jumped at the opportunity to wash the dishes. Leaving himself open to this storm was going to put him worse off than he already was.  _ Keep busy, and don't think.  _

 

This mentality went on for about two days, Monday rolling up on them faster than they imagined but slower than anything possible. The weekend was spent lazily, with dashes of awkwardness and a pinch of frustration. The two were living in a painting of harmony; they looked peaceful, at least. 

 

It was a call that woke Arin up, from Suzy. She had called him every day to check up on him, but not this early. “Shit-” He had nearly dropped his cellphone before catching it with two hands and bringing it to his ear. “Hello?” His groggy voice was distorted slightly by phone static.

 

Suzy had currently been putting on her jacket, ready for the day ahead of her. “Hey! I was wondering if you're planning on coming to work today.” She asked naturally while going to retrieve her keys.

 

“Oh, I...” He thought about it, even with his limited brain power early morning brought him. “What about Dan? He’s not exactly in a happy-go-lucky mood. Should I leave him here?” 

 

With a small pause for mulling that over, Suzy hummed. It was a valid question. “Maybe get home early? You and Ross have Steam Train episodes that you wanna record.” She heard nothing over the line, and could tell Arin was thinking. She stopped what she was doing and leaned against the wall, saying, “I know you want to be there for him, but maybe some space after these past few days will make him feel better. After what you told me happened that night... he may talk to you easier if you're away for a bit.” 

 

“And what if he wants to come?” Arin asked. There was no denying that Danny wasn't one to sit around. Usually, Starbomb and NSP were piled on his plate. With Brian out of town and Starbomb on a quick work break, Game Grumps was all he had. Now they were stopping him from working so he could rest and they were all sure Dan didn't want to. 

 

Still, Suzy hoped he wouldn't ask. 

 

When Dan had left his bedroom, Arin had just been slipping his shoes on. He wiped sleep out of his eyes before questioning. “Hey, where you goin’?”

 

Knowing there was no use with lying, Arin simply told him, “Work.” The expression on his friend’s face went from tired to a weak attempt at not looking surprised.

 

He had sworn Arin wouldn't leave him alone.  _ Guess I was wrong. _ The sudden possible freedom thrust upon him made Dan ask, “Really?” The tone he had made him sound like a child. 

 

“Yeah... sorry that I didn't tell you.” Arin apologized while checking for his wallet in his pocket. “You’ll be alright, right?”

 

Dan nodded wordlessly.  _ Take me with you.  _  The thought didn't come out as Arin waved at him before slipping out of the house. The door’s closing echoed throughout the house, which suddenly felt desolate.

 

It felt desolate, but breathable. There was no more seeing eye, no more monitor... Dan  _ did  _ feel like a kid, alone at home for the first time. He could do whatever he wanted, go wherever he liked. Even with all this in mind, there was nothing he wanted to do most. Sure, he could head out and record, but record what? He had his notebook of song ideas to rely on, but it would be meaningless without willingness. Clean? The place already looked lightly used. Danny hadn't felt boredom in a long time, and it settled in like a sickness.

 

He took a seat on the couch, not hungry for anything. It was so weird, being alone. His hand searched for the remote. 

 

Channels blended and bled into the next as he flipped through them blindly. News, cartoons, sitcom from the 90s. Sports, more sports, and porn for foodies. Hell, he even ventured into the adult channels. Nothing caught his eye, and he settled on a music video countdown as time ticked by. They were all songs he had never heard, overplayed on every radio station known to man.

 

“I gave you the key when the door wasn't open, just admit it.”  _ Fuck.  _ “See, I gave you faith, turned your doubt into hoping, can't deny it.” The voice that sung was unfamiliar, but the words were way too sharp and ready to cut deep.

 

He pressed a bit too hard on the power button when shutting it off. No need getting upset this early.

 

The final verdict of what to do with his time was to put on his coat and getting his keys. His car awaited outside, ready to take him anywhere he wanted. 

 

It took him to the nearby music store, where he could look around and distract himself. Getting a parking spot, Danny took a minute to breathe. His head wasn't all too clear right now. There 

wasn't much else to do about it but put it off; last time he tried to talk it out he nearly dehydrated himself.

 

“Welcome!”

 

The cashier nodded at him, and he put up his best smile before entering. The bell chimed above his head, and did so once more as the door inched to a close. 

 

Immediately, he saw a familiar face. It was too familiar to approach, and Dan hid himself behind a rack and pretended to be infatuated with the latest of 5SOS. The man in question was named Dorian, and he was there the day Danny had gotten busted.

 

Hearing the footsteps fade away, the man came out from hiding and went to the rock section. Flipping through CDs he’s seen hundreds of times, Dan couldn't help but think of that day. Would he come talk to him? Would he mention what happened? It was too much to chance, and there was too much Dan just really did not want to talk about.

 

Rush, Nirvana, some band he’s never heard of... his eyes scanned these and moved on. Nothing really registered as he began to think of Arin. His friend had really been around for him, and it was... different. Dan hadn’t really thought about it too much, but maybe-

 

“Hey, Dan!” Dorian came up behind him and nearly startled him out of his skin. 

 

“O-oh,” Dan swung around to face his friend. The man was smiling, but that mischievous look in his eye was there. It never went away, and neither did the trouble. “hey, I didn't know you were here.”

 

Dorian gave his shoulder a firm pat and nodded. “Same with you.” He then moved past him to look at the CDs. Danny almost swore he was out of hot water until he heard, “So, what happened after that guy bust in and ruined the party?” He didn't see the muscles in Dan’s shoulders tense up. “Haven’t heard from you since.” 

 

Outside, thunder groaned right after lightning brightened up the sky. The wind picked up and blew leaves around the street. They skittered with no true course. People began to walk faster, hurrying to take cover. There was a storm making its way to them, and Dan hadn't brought his umbrella. “He, um, he was cool.” He wasn’t sure what else to say. “Helped me clean up the mess-”

 

“So you didn't save any of that shit? Damn.” Dorian scratched at his chin, which was littered with uneven stubble. “Shame, really. Could've had a few good smokes from what we had left.” He chuckled, and his laugh was airy and not with much heart.

 

Still, Dan felt pressured to continue. “Yeah, but I-”

 

“Lemme guess: he put you on lockdown or something?” Dorian spun around to face Dan with a questioning look. “It can be a drag. I had a friend get cut cold turkey once. The fuckin’ guy was never the same! He even treated me like I was just some asshole who didn't know how to control an addiction.” He then pointed at himself in disbelief. “Me, a deadbeat. Can you believe that?” 

 

Holding his tongue from saying what he thought out loud, Danny shook his head. Knowing Dorian for a while meant that they weren’t just passing friends. Dorian was even there when he was in his twenties, fucking up royally. He fucked up right alongside him.

 

Suddenly, Dorian seemed to spark up an idea. “Hey, how ‘bout you come over to my place and we hang out? I’ll invite a friend of mine over. We can chill out and not do much, y’know?” It was strange how Dan knew exactly what he was hinting at. You didn't just offer to do nothing.

 

Outside, the storm was ready to burst above their heads. Light drizzle began to come down, wetting the store windows and falling to the ground with almost no sound. Still, lightning struck across the sky and thunder followed, gurgling and waiting to really scream when the heavy rain came.

 

“I don't know, Dorian, I should really be heading home, and-”

 

“For what?” His friend was putting him on some sort of trial. “It's been about a week since I've seen you, man. Let's just hang out.” 

 

Dan was caught in a conflict, and didn't know how to get out of it without a mess ensuing. Ditch his friend to go home alone and without a purpose? Or follow him, possibly into some bad deeds?

 

So much for a boring Monday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr: aam5ever  
> Shoot me an ask!

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr: aam5ever


End file.
